Monday, April 20, 2009

she loved.

Why do we like to hurt so much? -Paramore

I wish I knew the answer to that question.

Why is it that the people who hurt us most are often the same people we pursue most fervently? I found myself getting so frustrated when a friend told me how much he cared about a girl who basically used him and hung him out to dry. Far be it from me to ever pass judgment on someone who falls into that trap, though. It is hardly even a temptation to judge him for that. Because I've been there, too.

We are all gluttons for punishment in that respect. And if we are not, it is because we have shut out the world and have hoarded our hearts away where they won't be endangered. On the other end of the spectrum, we leave our hearts on the curb and offer a piece to anyone and everyone who passes by. And when the pieces have been left in the sewer or flattened by traffic, we scramble to salvage them and mold them back together. But we are never really the same after that. Our bandaged hearts still perform the functions necessary to sustain us, but the rhythm is different. We heal, but we are warped.

It is so hard to find a balance. Because we can't love in moderation. It's all or nothing. But either way, we pay a high price. Either we leave this world with nothing to show for it, or we are laid out with scars exposed.

If there is one force of nature that science can never explain away, it is love. Love isn't a machine. It isn't an element on the periodic table. It is the be-all, end-all of our existence. It is the one driving motivation in life that can simultaneously push us to us to insanity...

After I have left this world, there are two words which I hope will be the summation of my life:

"She loved."


Bana Bini said...

That was really deep and awfully true. Sometimes love is a suicide mission just like life is. You know you're going to get hurt, you know you're going to die, but you do it anyway.
But it's just something we need, you become addicted to it, and no one is going to care enough to try to stop us anyway, so why stop? <--(did that make sense?)
Thank you for this post, it has got to be one of my favorite posts after the one about how busy life is and how you have to find your place and stuff. Oh yes, and the song post.


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