Wednesday, April 8, 2009

i'm ready.

I like making lists. Correction. I like starting lists. Finishing them is another story.

Kind of like this.

Things I want to do before I die
1. Write a book
2. Get a tattoo

You get the idea.

Facebook has an application that allows you to make mostly useless top five lists of albums, books, movies, etc.

Only five?

Well, it's not like I can do much better at list making.

Anyway, one of the lists I made just couldn't stop with number five. In no particular order, I present "Songs That Saved My Life."

Number one was an obvious choice.

"I'm Ready" by Jack's Mannequin
from Everything In Transit, 2005

I discovered Jack's Mannequin in the spring of 2006, totally by accident.
It was the best accident ever. Their debut album "Everything In Transit" became my soundtrack. With finals looming in the near future, I was slipping further into mediocrity. At first glance, it seemed like I was getting everything I wanted. Sure. And it all kept slipping away as quickly as it had reached my grasp. The things I wanted most were the things I needed the least. If "Everything In Transit" was my soundtrack, "I'm Ready" was my anthem:

I wake up to find it's another
Four aspirin morning, and I dive in
I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday.
When did society decide that we had to change
And wash a tee shirt after every individual use?
If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it.
I take the stairs to the car
And there's fog on the windows.
(And I'm finding the words...)
I need caffeine in my blood stream,
I take caffeine in the blood stream.
I grip the wheel and all at once I realize:
(And you're getting away...)
My life has become a boring pop song
And everyone's singing along.

Sophomore year of college was supposed to be a turning point. A life-changing experience. But I'd gone home for Christmas feeling spent and disillusioned. Trying to find fulfillment (yes, there's that word again) in all the wrong places and people. ORU or SCC, the environment made no difference because my perspective on life was the same.

But spring came! And everything was new again. I was given a second chance, or so I thought.

It was "Dark Blue" that I heard in my head in an empty parking lot late one May evening on South Memorial Drive. But long after that night lost its sparkle and the phone stopped ringing, "I'm Ready" was in heavy rotation.

I am aware, I've been misled
I disconnect my heart, my head
Don't wanna recognize when things go bad
The things that you'll accept
Except that I am finding the words...

Oh Andrew McMahon, how well I can relate.

I can't say that I haven't disconnected my heart from my head a few more times since then. But every time I do, this song comes back to haunt me.

Next on the list: "The Scientist" by Coldplay. But that's for another post.


Bana Bini said...

I'm glad you can find and relate to songs you like and let it lead your life. Things that are just too real can become surreal and things that are way too surreal becomes cold, hard reality. That's the power of music, I guess.
Maybe I should choose my own little life-theme song too, and see if that'll work out for me.
You write things that some teens can relate to, such as starting lists, and never finishing them. >.<


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